Rating: 4/5 Stars

For fans of a throwback, hard-rock style, “Tarantula Heart” by Melvins (“Working the Ditch”) is for you.

The album only features 5 songs, but they span over 40 minutes in total. The first two tracks take up over half of the total run time of the album.

This includes the first track, “Pain Equals Funny,” which clocks in at 19:08. This is definitely one of the longest songs I’ve ever heard, which always jumps off the page as a red flag. However, the pacing of this song is very quick and not  drawn out. The first 5 minutes set the tone with a great guitar riff and some moving drums and bassline combination. The vocals actually sound pretty good here too, really giving it a ‘70s rock feel. 

The tempo switches up at around 5:45 with a distorted drum sound. This goes on for a while before vocals pick back up again. At around 10 minutes in, the vocals end for the song and a very distorted sound plays over the main beat. This effect only will work if you are wearing headphones while listening, because you’ll be able to hear the song get more distorted as it travels from left to right in the headphones. 

The final 10 minutes are a mix between faster and slower sounds, featuring a bit too much distortion for my taste. This definitely could’ve been trimmed a bit around the end, but it was not bad for a near 20 minute song. 

The second track is “Working the Ditch,” which is much more to the point than “Pain Equals Funny.” The drive here was very quick, which makes it a great “going to the gym” song. The lyrics are the most “death metal” sounding lyrics on the entire album. Overall, this song rocked and if you’re a fan of that style, you’ll like this song.

“She’s Got Weird Arms” is one of the most odd names for a song ever, and the song itself sounds exactly like you’d think it sounds. It almost feels like a heavier version of the Talking Heads (“Stop Making Sense: Deluxe”). The sound is very unique, but I have no idea what any of the lyrics are saying. This was definitely the least “rock” sounding song on the album, but it fit in nicely. 

The next song is titled “Allergic to Food.” I can imagine this song is for the people in the crowd that like to mosh at concerts. The drums led the way here with a very shouty group of lyrics. It was good for what it was worth, but it felt more like a rally cry than a song. 

The final track is my favorite off of the album, titled “Smiler.”  The intro came out of practically nowhere, which immediately drew my attention. And what followed was pretty great. It is everything you can ask for in a hard rock song, especially in 2024. The sound is reminiscent of one of the greatest figures in heavy metal history, Ozzy Osbourne. This is a really solid track and a great way to end the album. 

Image from The Melvins via themelvins.net