Rating: 5/5 stars

Shakira’s (“Hips Don’t Lie”) secret twin sister Kashira released an album titled “Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran” on March 22. The collection of pop songs played backward reveals a secret message on each track. When sequenced, the combination spells the location where Kashira has hidden her famous twin: “under the floorboards of the IRS,” Shakira’s greatest enemy. Kashira remained oddly silent as her sister battled the courts to avoid going to jail in the past year. Clearly, Kashira spent this time plotting and scheming how to release the best album in her twin’s career since the last drop seven years ago, “El Dorado” in 2017.

From the looks of it, Kashira really went the full nine yards to impersonate the Colombian pop star. She even made a song with the singer’s two young children, titled “Acróstico” which was released last year in May. Kashira seems to diss Shakira’s character in “Shakira: Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 53” featuring Bizarrap, an up-and-coming Argentine DJ. Translated to English from Spanish, Kashira sings: “She’s got the name of a good person, clearly it’s not how it sounds.” Kashira sounds bitter at the success of her twin, but it remains to be seen why the two could not just share the spotlight.

Kashira also spared no expense blowing through her sister’s fortune by making a music video for pretty much every track on the new album. Kashira raided Shakira’s closet for her shiniest and most flattering outfits and enlisted multiple different high-power friends to hop on the tracks. “Te Felicito”, “TQG” (ft. Karol G) and “El Jefe” are very convincing in their Shakira-ness. She and Cardi B were an excellent pair on “Puntería.” Some tracks are slower and more personal while others are fast-paced and sensual in nature, showing that Kashira really does know her sister well. And she seems quite bent on gaslighting the masses into believing she should be the top pop star. The vulnerability of “Última” is touching but Kashira is still a bit of a criminal, no matter her musical prowess.

Of the 16 songs, none are fully in English, as Kashira has gone for a more fully Latin album. It honestly is better than any English pop music out at the moment because Kashira understands the importance of lyrics and music working in harmony together, instead of competing for the listener’s ear.

Perhaps she thinks this will convince her audience to let her replace her sister full-time, but many fans have already taken to social media under the hashtag #NotMyShakira to share their sentiments. 

While imprisoning a family member under the floorboards of the IRS is wrong, the sensible mix of techno club music to acoustic ballads is right in every way. There is even a smattering of edgy guitar in some tracks, like “Cómo Dónde y Cuándo.” Kashira is so smart to have remembered that Shakira can play both guitar and drums. Maybe when the excitement of the album release wears off, Kashira will free her imprisoned twin and make a collaboration album with her. We can only hope. 

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!

Image from Shakira via YouTube