Back in April when it became public, Taylor Swift called it quits with her longtime boyfriend Joe Alwyn, and fans were distraught. Many posted about how they could not believe that their relationship was over. But some fans decided to “take action” to the point where they gathered around Swift’s apartment she used to rent on Cornelia Street in New York City to lay down flowers, sing Taylors songs and ‘pay their respects, much to the annoyance of the neighbors. It makes you think: none of these people know Swift personally, and they certainly don’t know about the ins and outs of her relationship with Alwyn. So why are fans so incredibly devastated about the demise of her long-term relationship? 

Parasocial relationships are described as “one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other’s existence,” according to findapsychologist.org. In the digital age, parasocial relationships have more of a gray area that makes them less noticeable. Obviously there is some degree of awareness that we do not personally know the actor, singer or influencer that we like, but when they like your comment on their post, or talk openly to the camera like they are telling a story to an old friend, it is easy to believe that we know them and their life and that they know us. 

Swift has a habit of being candid in her songwriting. It gives the illusion that we know her personally because she sings about her most intimate, heartbreaking and personal moments. There is nothing wrong with this, but the amount of hysteria that comes along with being part of her fan base is apparent. Some tickets for her recent “Eras Tour” cost thousands of dollars for one seat, fans cry when she releases an album and as mentioned before, flock to a place she does not even live anymore to commemorate a dead relationship fans were not a part of. It should be said though that Swift does embrace her fan base, and from an outside perspective, does really seem to care about her fans. She hosted listening parties in her own home for the release of her album “Reputation,” baked them cookies and there have been numerous occasions where she has reached out to fans and donated to their GoFundMe pages. Even though she embraces her fans, it does not mean the relationship is not parasocial. 

Are parasocial relationships healthy? According to the Cleveland Clinic, yes they are, but in moderation. Parasocial relationships can build a sense of community because even though you do not know the celebrity, talking and learning about them is fun and you can make friends that way. In the case of Swift, trading friendship bracelets at the “Eras Tour” with other “Swifties” could build connections, but there are cases where parasocial relationships could turn sour. 

There are some instances where fan behavior goes too far in the name of “getting noticed” by a celebrity in an effort to make the parasocial relationship less parasocial. A man threw a phone at singer Bebe Rexha and it hit her in the eye. He was later charged with assault after he got arrested and removed from the concert. Another fan threw a disposable camera at singer Steve Lacy which hit him in the torso. He then proceeded to smash it and walk off stage. He later said in a statement, “I’m a real person with real feelings and real reactions. I’m not a product or a robot. I am human.” People often forget that celebrities are also  people; they wake up in the morning, eat, sleep, cry  and put on deodorant like the rest of us. Celebrities are so glorified in our society that we put them on pedestals. Taylor Swift gives us a glimpse into her life with her song writing, but that does not mean she owes fans anything even though she chooses to be good to them. It could be argued that Lacy should not have reacted the way he did, by why are we as a society so desperate to get noticed? Parasocial relationships are good in moderation, but they could get ugly when they go too far.