I write this article to bring awareness to the very real issue that many athletes suffer from: athletic identity. Although I recognize that identity crisis is not strictly related to athletes, my hope is that the suggestions I make can transcend athletic boundaries and help those in need of this message. However, I am not a certified counselor and the suggestions I make are based on personal experiences and opinions. 

I am an athlete. I am the accumulation of my on-field experiences, accomplishments, failures and lessons. I plan my life around practices, games, away trips, rehab, workouts and meetings. I am an athlete and I am lost. I am an athlete and I struggle with a condition known as athletic identity. Athletic identity is commonly referred to as the self-conception that an individual’s values and purposes come solely from the sport they play. Oftentimes, one does not recognize the potency of their identity until it is taken away from them. As with anyone who does something for decades, the habits they form become automatic, and so does sense of self. 

For me, it began at four years old. I started out by tagging along to my brother’s practice where the coaches would let me join so I was not the annoying little brother on the sideline. I then transitioned to my own teams and learned how to handle myself without my older brothers around; they never took it easy on me, so adjusting to play with kids my age seemed to come easy. For the next 15 years, I spent four hours a day, six days a week playing the sport I love. That is nearly 18,000 hours that I dedicated to self-improvement within a sport; to have that taken away from you suddenly, well, it hurts.

Athletes are influenced by external factors on a daily basis. Our entire existence revolves around our sport and how well we perform. Our attitude is altered by our performances; perform well and be happy, perform poorly and be irritated. The entirety of our week is often defined by the minutes we get during a game and how well we make use of them. Walking on campus people ask us questions such as, ‘How did the game go?’ or ‘Did you score? Who won? Did you play?’ When the answer to these questions is positive we are happy to answer; however, after a loss, not so much. Being so deeply in love with a sport is completely and utterly amazing, but just like any love story, when it ends, there is pure heartbreak.

When the music stops and the glory fades, athletes find themselves lost. It is fun to relive the memories for about a week or so, before you find yourself painstakingly numb. Reminiscing becomes painful, ambitions are lost, focus is difficult, eating becomes something you never do or cannot stop doing and life becomes confusing. None of it makes sense. Until you lose your sport, you never truly understand the impact it had on your life. There are times you wonder how, why and what is happening; how am I going to find joy, why is this happening to me and what is even happening? The symptoms of athletic identity crisis are raw. It is extremely difficult to describe the feeling of athletic identity crisis to someone who has never experienced it. The best way I can describe the feeling as helplessness; you feel there is nothing you can do to get the experiences back that playing your sport provided. 

While there may not be a way to replicate the joys of playing sports, there are ways to move forward. Recognizing this is difficult, but we are much more than what happens between the lines, or on the court, ice and track. We are committed, determined, passionate, adaptable, confident and persistent leaders. We are gifted with wonderful skills because of our love of sports and the good we can do with these abilities is unmeasurable. 

Do not let social and self constructs limit your potential. I am fortunate to have a wonderful support system between my family, friends and mental health counselor who help me navigate the difficult times. Although I will always advocate for counseling, there are other ways to maneuver through the struggles that athletic identity can present. In his article, “When Your Career Ends, What Do You Do With Your Athletic Identity,” Dr. Jeff Porter, University of Michigan director of student-athlete alumni relations and former Olympic athlete, writes that if you plan ahead, this crisis may be easier to handle when the time comes. I think it is important that every athlete knows this. If we are able to recognize our other identities before we stop playing, we can explore those other aspects of our life we already recognize. Simply put, it is like studying for a test; on the day of the exam, life is much more stressful if you have not studied than if you had. In this instance, if you ‘study’ yourself,  you will already have access to answers about who you are on the day you no longer play your sport competitively.

Perhaps this article has given me insight as to who I am beyond my sport, but more importantly, I hope this message finds those who are also struggling with what to do next. We are at the start of something special; when one passion comes to a close a door opens for us to explore new passions. It will be difficult, and at times you may feel helpless, but remember that I care, I understand and I am here to help. Find a trusted friend to share your struggles with, try counseling, journaling, anything. You deserve to show the world what else you are capable of besides being known as an athlete.

Link to When Your Career Ends, What Do You Do With Your Athletic Identity, Dr. Jeff Porter:

Photo by: Colin Noftsier, Oswego State Althletics