The Backstreet Boys (“DNA”) released their first Christmas album “A Very Backstreet Christmas” on Oct. 14, 72 days before Christmas. The album was intended to be released last year, but was pushed back due to the pandemic. But Backstreet is back! Whether you like it or not.

There is nothing as essential for the pop artist’s catalog than an obligatory Christmas album released months in advance. Christmas music is an odd conduit of relevancy for pop music, since most iconic Christmas songs aired on commercial radio stations are recordings dated from the ‘40s to the ‘60s. So how do the Backstreet Boys compete against the soothing crooners of yesteryear?

Well the answer is they do not. “A Very Backstreet Christmas” is about as engaging as the backing music to a JCPenney’s ad. The BBs have three original songs on the backside of the album, starting with “Christmas in New York.” The song has lyrics rich in urban holiday imagery, to the point where it feels like a soulless Thomas Kinkade painting you can find in Santa’s PR office. Another song, “Together,” is the BBs attempt at being festive and romantic. It fails at both The track features a bland beat of snaps and chiptuned oohs that already sound dated. The BBs attempt at middle-aged flirting is awkwardly suggestive, such as the line, “What we do alone/Only Santa has to know.” Lastly, “Happy Days” is another potential background song to a Hallmark romcom, though this track oddly doubles as an ode to Marvin Gaye (“You’re the Man) of all people, referencing him by name in the chorus as a metaphor for sex (the BBs say they’ve “got it going on,” like the Gaye song).

The rest of the album consists of covers of holiday staples barren of any improvement. Take the opener for example, a cover of “White Christmas” in the style of the Drifters (“Every Nite’s a Saturday Night”), aka the one you know from “Home Alone.” Clyde McPhatter’s signature deep croons are replaced by Nick Carter’s nasal imitation. The spirit of the original rendition is lost in vocals so shiny and clean that they can somehow blind ears. 

The choice of the Drifters’ version may at first seem like it was out of appreciation, but he effort put into incessant riffs and notes sounds both overly emotional and lacking of any emotion. One can see another reason that explains a lot of this album: audience. Who is anticipating “A Very Backstreet Christmas” other than wine moms reminiscing about their childhoods simping over boyband heartthrobs? To the BB’s audience, “Home Alone” is to Christmas what “Hocus Pocus” is to Halloween. They simply want to work off of nostalgic synergy. Nothing comes out of it. 

The BB’s classic juvenile sound of in-your-face partying from songs like “Everybody” and  bubblegum pop heard in “I Want It That Way” does not mesh well with the heartwarming tenderness of Christmas ballads. To Backstreetify Christmas is not to embrace the honesty of the Christmas Spirit but to hone in on vocals that try to recapture their late ‘90s peak of fame but have nowhere appropriate to fly. Not to mention the instrumentals sounding royalty-free. What this album leaves the listener with is not a Christmas album, but a tracklist of vocal exercises.

Image from Backstreet Boys via YouTube