Children, especially around the holidays, are expected to provide physical displays of affection to family members. It does not matter to the parent if the child is comfortable with that or how close they are to the family member. Each child is expected to kiss and hug their grandparents. In a time where young children are being taught to love their bodies and learn their boundaries, parents should not be forcing them to do something they do not want to do.

Of course, children need physical contact to be emotionally happy and healthy. This affection can come from parents and other close family members. This teaches children that their boundaries matter and their bodies do not belong to anyone but themselves. If parents or other family members get angry that they do not get a hug with their hellos and the child is eventually forced to hug them anyway, all that does is make everyone uncomfortable and teach the child that saying “no” does not matter.

This is not just for the education of children, either. If an adult tries to pressure a child into hugging them, they do not understand boundaries. The only way to make sure that physical space, even from family members, is respected is by re-teaching. The lesson is taught in kindergarten to “mind your personal space,” but in practice, children are taught the opposite.

This mindset is what provides a base for rape culture in the future. The idea of entitlement to someone’s body, with or without a previous connection, is what makes women and men scared to speak against those who touch them without consent. Part of this is if a husband or wife touches their significant other without consent, it is not assault because they are in an established relationship where they have touched each other in this way before. This is, obviously, not the case. If young girls are taught they often need to provide affections when they do not want to, this could cause them to not understand if they are being taken advantage of in the future.

Forcing hugs onto children could also lead to them learning that it is OK to give and receive affection when they do not want it. This is, of course, the extreme, but in order for children to truly understand boundaries, they need to be taught as young as possible. This goes both ways. If an adult does not want to hug someone’s child, this is a boundary the child needs to learn as soon as possible.

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