Oswego State counseling and psychological services associate professor Jodi Mullen recently published her latest book, “Freakishly Well-Behaved Kids: 20 Principles for Becoming the Parent Your Child Needs.”

Mullen said she is used to publishing academically, so this was a new endeavor for her. She found help in an unlikely place: with a stranger on an airplane.

“I was sitting next to a mystery author on an airplane, and she became my mentor and guided me through the whole process,” Mullen said. “It was so funny, because I had this ridiculous bag that my sister-in-law bought me that said, ‘buy my book,’ and I saw her smiling at me… It was just an amazing opportunity and connection.”

Mullen studied at Oswego State for her undergraduate and graduate studies and attended Syracuse University for her PhD. She worked in various aspects of counseling, including an outreach chemical dependency clinic, where she worked with children of people struggling with addictions, and in a domestic violence shelter, where she worked with children of battered parents. Mullen has had her own clinical practice since the late 90s and is currently a full-time professor. However, she originally never intended on working with children.

“I hated kids, and they hated me back. Part of the reason was because I didn’t know how to work with them,” she said. “Then, I took a course in graduate school, and it changed my life. It taught me how to work with kids, and when I learned how to work with kids, I realized I actually loved working with kids.”

She chose to write the book after verbally sharing information she learned in her experiences with fellow parents and through her podcast; the next step was to write down everything she learned. 

In this book, Mullen wanted to focus on a bigger picture of parenting, since all children and families are different. In order to do this, she focused on principles of parenting, rather than stricter techniques, so they can work on a vast variety of children.

“I think that, in general, as a society, we look for what’s ‘wrong,’ rather than what’s ‘right,’” Mullen said. “One of the things that I very strongly emphasized in the book is that you can’t look for what’s right in your kid if you can’t find what’s right in you.”

Although the book was published Aug. 31, Mullen actually finished the book four years ago. During that time, she would occasionally re-read and edit parts of the book, but she felt “too vulnerable” to publish it at that point in her life, she said. But, when everything fell into place, including meeting the mystery author, her daughter beginning college and her son beginning high school, she knew it was the right time to publish.

“I was sensitive that I didn’t want to put it out while my kids were still very much children because I didn’t want that pressure on them,” Mullen said.

She used a mix of stories from her personal experiences as a counselor and a mother. Ultimately, however, Mullen wants parents to know that there is no correct way to be a parent.

“Even with that education and training I’ve had with children, I still made tons of mistakes,” Mullen said. “It was important for me to share that in the book, as well,” Mullen said.

Photo provided by Jodi Mullen